I wrote this poem while I was in the shower, which is where I usually disassociate the most. The ocean seems like this cold, unfeeling monolith, and sometimes I think I'm close to falling into or becoming that. I know a lot of people think of the ocean as beautiful but this is about the cruel aspects of it that I see. I like that sculpture by Lionel Smit that the faces are from, because it reminds me of depersonalization, and I felt like that was a big part of why I wrote this poem.

I'm not sure if I'm ready to show the full poem I wrote for this piece, or what it means. I had a very difficult summer and it felt very similar to a previous traumatic experience for me. I spent a lot of time thinking about whether I deserved love or not.

This piece is also about how I felt over the summer, towards the end of it. I felt a bit chewed up and spit out, like I was more at the whim of the season than in control of myself. I also was and still am on a lot of medications to try to fix how difficult things are for me. I see myself as both the medication and the person taking it, if that makes any sense.

I struggle a lot with feeling understood by other people. Sometimes I wonder if there's really anyone at all who can understand the way I think and what I need, even if I explain it. I'd like it if I could just be opened up and labeled accordingly instead of having to try again and again to make myself make sense to the people around me.

It's hard to explain this piece without revealing something that I don't think I'm ready for other people to know. I think everyone feels a desire for something that wouldn't actually be good for them or others. It's normal to feel that way I think.